Why this matters
Unfortunately for all of us, no one comes out of formal education – irrespective of how extensive or on what topic it may have been on – with any wealth of knowledge regarding the topic of emotions and behaviours.
This wasn’t too big of a hindrance in the “before times”, when our work lives didn’t call for having a sharp and engaged amount of emotional intelligence. But it no longer works in today’s environment, where every walk of life requires some type of human interaction and collaboration.
To help with this, this is the first of several plays in the “EQ Quick Wins” series designed to give the least confident of us the means to quickly engage in the human work.
How to run it
- 1
The facilitator asks everyone to take a short EQ test and remember their score by sending the link in advance (eg. [arealme.com](https://www.arealme.com/eq/en/)).
- 2
5 minutes \- Start the session with going around the room to share the score and how everyone feels about their EQ in general.
- 3
10 minutes \- Read the following facial expression descriptions and ask everyone on camera to take turns to enact one and have the next person guess what it was.
- ###### Happiness When we show pleasure or feel good about something Eyes open (not too much, not too little) and crow's feet wrinkles on outside corners of eyes, eyebrows arched up slightly, mouth upturned at the comers (smile), forehead smooth, head tilt in a neutral position
- ###### Sadness When we feel bummed or unhappy (i.e., deep upset caused by disappointment, loss or a series of negative things happening) Eyes slightly closed with drooping upper eyelids, eyebrows pointed down, mouth curved down at the corners (frown), forehead smooth, head tilt down
- ###### Anger Strong feeling of annoyance and/or displeasure Eyes squinted, eyebrows furrowed (down and together), mouth with narrowed lips and clenched teeth, forehead slightly wrinkled, head tilt forward
- ###### Fear When we feel afraid of something Wide eyes, eyebrows raised and pulled together, mouth slightly opened and stretched back, forehead wrinkled up, head tilt back
- ###### Calm This is how most people feel the majority of the time; they feel "okay" Eyes open (not too much, not too little), eyebrows in relaxed position, mouth in straight line (not a smile/frown), smooth forehead
- ###### Disgust When we find something dirty, gross, or rude When something happens that is not expected Eyes slightly squinted, eyebrows raised or furrowed slightly, mouth sneered (upper lip raised), forehead slightly wrinkled, head tilt back
- ###### Surprise When something happens that is not expected Wide open eyes, raised eyebrows, mouth open with dropped jaw, forehead wrinkled up, head tilt back
- 4
15 mins \- Talk about Mirroring — the behaviour in which one person unconsciously imitates the gesture, speech pattern, or attitude of another. But it can also be done intentionally, to establish and deepen rapport and connection.
- Fronting Pay attention to your body posture in relation to either an in-person dialogue partner or the camera - front them as much as possible
- Eye contact be mindful of the amount of eye contact you are giving in both offline and online situations - if you are autistic of having trouble with looking people in the eyes try to at least look at them intently for the first 20 seconds of the dialogue (or as long as it takes you to register their eye colour!) and to keep to the following eye-contact tips: ###### Use the triangle technique Rather than looking away or looking down (as this shows a lack of confidence), you can also look at another spot on their face. Imagine an inverted triangle connecting their eyes and mouth. Every five seconds, rotate which point of the triangle you are looking at. ###### Use the 50/70 rule Maintain eye contact 50% of the time when speaking and 70% when listening. ###### Look near the eyes If looking someone directly in the eyes is too stressful, instead look at a spot on their nose, mouth, or chin.
- The Triple Nod When you arrive at something you agree with, instead of nodding once or twice try nodding three times in a row (this is known as “the yes set”). Research shows that the other person will be encouraged to share 3/4 times more when they notice a triple nod and in addition to this, your own frame of mind will be more open and positive.
- Match Vocally You can match and mirror the speed of communication, loudness level, or even some of the more surprising words that your dialogue partner is using to let them know you are indeed paying attention.
- 5
Ensure you reiterate to the team that the goal of mirroring is that more of these actions become subconscious over time and that we never employ these tips to the detriment of focusing on messaging and content. In other words, don’t sacrifice communication for the sake of appearing understanding but offer more connection while still keeping your attention on the topic.
- 6
Wrap up by doing a round around the room of every team member choosing their most surprising piece of learning of the action.
What next
Continue with the other EQ Quick Wins Series and return to this one with every new team member.